Is this thing on?
I've discovered a new cathartic practice that most people will mock me for. Sure you can call it lame or weird, but I can say the same thing about the way you wear three polo shirts at once to look cool. Or I could mock you for getting tinted windows on your Nissan or Mitsubishi P.O.S. just to make it seem like you're a drag racer, or anything remotely cooler than the way I know you truly are. I COULD mock. Could is the emphasized word.
I love to freestyle. I pump up some Eminem or whatever I have in the car, and I just let it all out. It's stream-of-consciousness poetry. I just form the words a few seconds after they come out, it all falls in place and what happens is poetry and music in meter.
I've decided to put a tape recorder in my car as soon as I remember to do it. It's all set up, I'm just lazy. But I just wanna capture some of the shit that I say when I let it out, because the things I say are the truest statements that come out of my mouth.
As much as this catharsis seems to help, I'm still completely overstressed. I don't even know why. My dad is home from the hospital, the MS is a definite diagnosis. It seems like he's given up, and I don't know how to deal with that. He just doesn't want to be reached or helped, he cries at the drop of a hat and I can't comfort him because I don't want to feed him any Lifetime bullshit about "Spending your time wisely" because I don't wanna think about all that. I just want to live the way things have been. He's gotten so old and so lifeless in his time in the hospital that I can't bear to listen to him rambling on about the most random things. I just wish that I had the patience and the freedom of mind to just cure him, at least emotionally. But I'm weaker too.
MS is like any other horrible disease: when you have it, everyone who cares about you has it too. And I'm just not sure what I can do about it. I want to heal him and tell him what I would do but he's too skeptical. He's too stubborn. So all I really can do for now is pump up some beats, put on my seatbelt, and hold on for the bumpiest ride I'll ever go on -- and I'm running low on gas.
Much love,
Will
I love to freestyle. I pump up some Eminem or whatever I have in the car, and I just let it all out. It's stream-of-consciousness poetry. I just form the words a few seconds after they come out, it all falls in place and what happens is poetry and music in meter.
I've decided to put a tape recorder in my car as soon as I remember to do it. It's all set up, I'm just lazy. But I just wanna capture some of the shit that I say when I let it out, because the things I say are the truest statements that come out of my mouth.
As much as this catharsis seems to help, I'm still completely overstressed. I don't even know why. My dad is home from the hospital, the MS is a definite diagnosis. It seems like he's given up, and I don't know how to deal with that. He just doesn't want to be reached or helped, he cries at the drop of a hat and I can't comfort him because I don't want to feed him any Lifetime bullshit about "Spending your time wisely" because I don't wanna think about all that. I just want to live the way things have been. He's gotten so old and so lifeless in his time in the hospital that I can't bear to listen to him rambling on about the most random things. I just wish that I had the patience and the freedom of mind to just cure him, at least emotionally. But I'm weaker too.
MS is like any other horrible disease: when you have it, everyone who cares about you has it too. And I'm just not sure what I can do about it. I want to heal him and tell him what I would do but he's too skeptical. He's too stubborn. So all I really can do for now is pump up some beats, put on my seatbelt, and hold on for the bumpiest ride I'll ever go on -- and I'm running low on gas.
Much love,
Will
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