Many ups, a few downs, and potentially a gay vibe
Hi all. I ask you to bear with me on this post, I'm tipsy and uncoordinated. But I do have spellcheck which I may or may not choose to use, so, once again: bear.
I'll start here with the ups of my life, specifically I can think of about four.
1. I was assigned the Residency at a very decent floor. I'm quite excited for it, and I think it will be awesome. I signed the contract and pulled Alex Bandazian with me, which means our conjoined singles will be like the Siamese twin of geekitude. I don't know many of the other people on my Hall Staff, but it will still prove to be a (hopefully) mind-opening experience.
2. My application was accepted at a children's summer theater, so I can relive my days of being "Joseph" in the JCC Summer Camp's version of "Joseph and the yadda yadda Coat". I really put together a great resume and presentation within 24 hours, so I'm proud I can be a part of it. There's a big condish though, which I will delve into in a bit. I'll even put a small asterisk (*) right here to remind me to return. *
3. I got the best grade in the class on my English 255 midterm, and the teacher also recommended me to be a Writing Tutor. It's hard work, but it's a great honor and I'm going to try to do it next year. I also get paid and get credit, so huzzah!
4. I've been having a lot of fun. With frisbeeing, dancing, and general tomfoolery I feel pretty happy here. The weather helps a lot, too, but I get very depressed when the weather's nice. On days like this (overcast, gloomy, wet and rainy) I feel more like a Wheatonite. When the weather's nice I think back to my days in Maryland smoking houka with the boys or going out on school nights and sitting outside of Cabin John for hours. I get so nostalgic for my friends when the weather's nice...it's rough.
5. I am getting closer with a lot of people. I'm scared part of the effort on their side is coming out of this blog, but I can't really control that. I write what I need to write in order to gather strength and replenish myself.
6. Recent development: Diane spoke to someone during Alumni Calling who spent their term abroad working with Marvel Comics. I could potentially use this as a study abroad semester, or I could get a summer internship. I say, fuck the internship, go for the study.
I think that's about all of them. Otherwise, there are a good number of downs that I'm not so sure I wanna get into right now. I think that the main reason I don't want to go into them is because of many reactions and conspiracies that have been started due to this blog. (Note: This is the fourth time I've worked on this specific post...and right now I'm going to dinner. Part V will commence afterwards.)
So dinner was great. I went out to Bangkok Cafe with Diane, Meredith, Kaity, and Abby--I began to feel a little PMS due to the company, I think. Then, I came home, did my homework (holy shit I did my homework) and followed it with about an hour of Diablo II.
I really did have a purpose for writing this entry back in the day. I guess I'll go a bit more into the downs and then into the gay vibe mentioned in the title.
So I'm still in a bad place in terms of social groups, but things are looking up. Cory (my roommate) and I hung out a bit more this weekend, which was a lot of fun. It was like old times, one might say. With that, I also spent a lot of time with Iyar. I promised Iyar at the end of 1st semester that we would hang out more, and now it seems to be happening and it's awesome. I also got to hang out with these two awesome gents, Tiago (from Brasil) and Andres (from Ecaudor). We smoked houka for hours and then came back after partying and smoked for another hour. Altogether I probably smoked too much this weekend, but that's my own fault. I didn't want to miss out.
For one of the first times this semester, I was out partying and I wasn't feeling alone. I mean, while my friends and I were watching "Team America" and pregaming, I did feel very lonely. I just felt like a bit of an outsider, trying to fit in with the cool kids. But after the movie, we started partying and Cory came along and so did a whole gaggle of other people--who the fuck was that Ursula girl???--and we partied all over the place. I almost got in a fight with this kid who I thought was cool, but it turns out he's a big douchebag when he's drunk. Really, I almost beat the shit out of him. He was wiping beer on my face over and over again throughout the night, and then he eventually skipped the middle man and just straight up overturned a cup of beer onto my fucking shirt. If I weren't such a pacifist (read: pussy), I would have broken his fucking nose. Sorry, a lot of untapped aggression. Probably because I haven't touched Vanguard in weeks.
In other news, I have skipped too many classes. I am an idiot.
So, this entry turned from poignant reflection into reflective babbling, and none of it has held any importance.
Now, the moment you've all been waiting for: The Gay Vibe
As I walk around campus every day, seeing beautiful women all around me, I sigh and reflect about how lucky I am for being a teenager. I am living the most reckless years of my life in an environment with people who are really fun, if not irresponsible as all hell. But none of these women return my smiles, or my glances. I know, I know, I'm not that wonderful to look at. But I think that under the really deceptive first look, I'm a handsome guy. I don't have any grotesque features--okay, don't comment on this part of the blog. But I'm wondering if I give off a gay vibe. There, my beloved readers: there you have it. I wonder if I'm giving off a gay vibe. Not that there's anything wrong with homosexuality at all...just...I like women. And so being seen as gay is an issue.
Sometimes I get the feeling that my friends discuss my sexuality. Sam's always teasing me, and I don't mind. I wonder if he does it because I'm straight or because he believes I'm actually gay. I've stood through many a shower wondering just how gay I seem to the outside world. And, if I do seem gay, why? Is it because I'm into theatre or singing, or because I am not getting girls? Because there are lots of reasons why I don't get girls. We all know why.
I think that's all I'm gonna write for now. I'll write a more, you know...level-headed entry later. I have been drunk and sober back and forth twice throughout the writing of this blog.
If you all have any questions about what I've said above, feel free to comment. I love comments. But in any case, I'll be around after the talk to sign books and go over anything you didn't understand.
Much love,
Will
I'll start here with the ups of my life, specifically I can think of about four.
1. I was assigned the Residency at a very decent floor. I'm quite excited for it, and I think it will be awesome. I signed the contract and pulled Alex Bandazian with me, which means our conjoined singles will be like the Siamese twin of geekitude. I don't know many of the other people on my Hall Staff, but it will still prove to be a (hopefully) mind-opening experience.
2. My application was accepted at a children's summer theater, so I can relive my days of being "Joseph" in the JCC Summer Camp's version of "Joseph and the yadda yadda Coat". I really put together a great resume and presentation within 24 hours, so I'm proud I can be a part of it. There's a big condish though, which I will delve into in a bit. I'll even put a small asterisk (*) right here to remind me to return. *
3. I got the best grade in the class on my English 255 midterm, and the teacher also recommended me to be a Writing Tutor. It's hard work, but it's a great honor and I'm going to try to do it next year. I also get paid and get credit, so huzzah!
4. I've been having a lot of fun. With frisbeeing, dancing, and general tomfoolery I feel pretty happy here. The weather helps a lot, too, but I get very depressed when the weather's nice. On days like this (overcast, gloomy, wet and rainy) I feel more like a Wheatonite. When the weather's nice I think back to my days in Maryland smoking houka with the boys or going out on school nights and sitting outside of Cabin John for hours. I get so nostalgic for my friends when the weather's nice...it's rough.
5. I am getting closer with a lot of people. I'm scared part of the effort on their side is coming out of this blog, but I can't really control that. I write what I need to write in order to gather strength and replenish myself.
6. Recent development: Diane spoke to someone during Alumni Calling who spent their term abroad working with Marvel Comics. I could potentially use this as a study abroad semester, or I could get a summer internship. I say, fuck the internship, go for the study.
I think that's about all of them. Otherwise, there are a good number of downs that I'm not so sure I wanna get into right now. I think that the main reason I don't want to go into them is because of many reactions and conspiracies that have been started due to this blog. (Note: This is the fourth time I've worked on this specific post...and right now I'm going to dinner. Part V will commence afterwards.)
So dinner was great. I went out to Bangkok Cafe with Diane, Meredith, Kaity, and Abby--I began to feel a little PMS due to the company, I think. Then, I came home, did my homework (holy shit I did my homework) and followed it with about an hour of Diablo II.
I really did have a purpose for writing this entry back in the day. I guess I'll go a bit more into the downs and then into the gay vibe mentioned in the title.
So I'm still in a bad place in terms of social groups, but things are looking up. Cory (my roommate) and I hung out a bit more this weekend, which was a lot of fun. It was like old times, one might say. With that, I also spent a lot of time with Iyar. I promised Iyar at the end of 1st semester that we would hang out more, and now it seems to be happening and it's awesome. I also got to hang out with these two awesome gents, Tiago (from Brasil) and Andres (from Ecaudor). We smoked houka for hours and then came back after partying and smoked for another hour. Altogether I probably smoked too much this weekend, but that's my own fault. I didn't want to miss out.
For one of the first times this semester, I was out partying and I wasn't feeling alone. I mean, while my friends and I were watching "Team America" and pregaming, I did feel very lonely. I just felt like a bit of an outsider, trying to fit in with the cool kids. But after the movie, we started partying and Cory came along and so did a whole gaggle of other people--who the fuck was that Ursula girl???--and we partied all over the place. I almost got in a fight with this kid who I thought was cool, but it turns out he's a big douchebag when he's drunk. Really, I almost beat the shit out of him. He was wiping beer on my face over and over again throughout the night, and then he eventually skipped the middle man and just straight up overturned a cup of beer onto my fucking shirt. If I weren't such a pacifist (read: pussy), I would have broken his fucking nose. Sorry, a lot of untapped aggression. Probably because I haven't touched Vanguard in weeks.
In other news, I have skipped too many classes. I am an idiot.
So, this entry turned from poignant reflection into reflective babbling, and none of it has held any importance.
Now, the moment you've all been waiting for: The Gay Vibe
As I walk around campus every day, seeing beautiful women all around me, I sigh and reflect about how lucky I am for being a teenager. I am living the most reckless years of my life in an environment with people who are really fun, if not irresponsible as all hell. But none of these women return my smiles, or my glances. I know, I know, I'm not that wonderful to look at. But I think that under the really deceptive first look, I'm a handsome guy. I don't have any grotesque features--okay, don't comment on this part of the blog. But I'm wondering if I give off a gay vibe. There, my beloved readers: there you have it. I wonder if I'm giving off a gay vibe. Not that there's anything wrong with homosexuality at all...just...I like women. And so being seen as gay is an issue.
Sometimes I get the feeling that my friends discuss my sexuality. Sam's always teasing me, and I don't mind. I wonder if he does it because I'm straight or because he believes I'm actually gay. I've stood through many a shower wondering just how gay I seem to the outside world. And, if I do seem gay, why? Is it because I'm into theatre or singing, or because I am not getting girls? Because there are lots of reasons why I don't get girls. We all know why.
I think that's all I'm gonna write for now. I'll write a more, you know...level-headed entry later. I have been drunk and sober back and forth twice throughout the writing of this blog.
If you all have any questions about what I've said above, feel free to comment. I love comments. But in any case, I'll be around after the talk to sign books and go over anything you didn't understand.
Much love,
Will
2 Comments:
two things:
1. you're right, who the fuck was that ursula girl???
2. if it's any comfort, the prospect of you being gay has never once crossed my mind...take that for what it's worth
congrats on the english thing... i love when shit like that happens.
also, i doubt there's a gay vibe. your mannerisms and personality don't really fit.
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