Wheaton Love Line Presents...
Hey there, boys and girls, ladies and gentleman. It's Will from Wheaton Love Line and I'm here to clear the air about a subject that has plagued mankind--yes, specifically mankind--since the creation of women. I speak of course of the dreaded, insidious cockblock. But I'm here to clear the air about what exactly constitutes a cockblock, or what constitutes a whiny bitch of a man who can't get girls. So, without further ado, I present to you:
THE RULES OF THE COCKBLOCK
First, some ground rules. Before we go into what a cockblock looks like, I'll explain what it is.
Cockblock (n) (CAWK-blAWK) -- The act of intercepting female attention away from a friend who is actively pursuing said female.
That definition may not be quite so perfect, so I'll explain a little more. Because, to be fair to the potential cockblocker, the act of getting female attention away from a friend may not necessarily be a cockblock. This is essential, kids, so listen up: The most important piece to that definition is the idea of active pursuit. If there is no active pursuit, it is not a cockblock. I'll give an example of both cases.
Example 1: Boy A is has a huge crush on Girl D. He has Girl D's phone number--never called--and Girl D's screen name--never double-clicked. Boy A is facebook friends with Girl D, but he doesn't really call her. He mainly checks her pictures. Boy B, A's best friend, is at a party with Girl D and Boy A. Girl D starts flirting with Boy B, and Boy B--clearly--responds. Girl D gives Boy B her phone number, and Boy B responds with a kiss on the cheek before leaving. Boy A freaks out, storms from the party, and vows to murder his friend.
That's the first example. Sick of using letters, I will begin to give names to the characters in our example. This following piece is about Morty, Peter, and Francine.
Example 2: Morty really digs this girl, Francine. All of his friends know. They've been hanging out pretty frequently for the past two weeks. They talk online often, they hang out. But for some reason, his friend Peter is always there when they hang out. Peter begins making his own plans with Francine, but always remembers to send a late invitation to Morty. Moreover, whenever the three of them hang out, Peter never ceases to mock Morty: his appearance, his tastes, everything. Anything, really, to get a laugh out of Francine. Morty can't stand this feeling so he often removes himself from situations that involve either Francine or Peter, and he almost always avoids situations with the two of them together.
Now, boys and girls, I ask you: Which situation do you think is the cockblock? Got it?
That's right. Example 2 is a very common example of the cockblock. It involves a friend--aware of his friend's crush and active pursuit--overstepping the boundaries of both friendship and the unspoken male agreement that you do not play games over women.
I know what you're thinking. Some of this is absurdly barbaric, as it seemingly disregards the identity of woman as human and not object. But I must stress the fact: when a male (friend, enemy, or otherwise) steps into another male's game, or pursuit, he is creating a situation of animalistic, predatory viciousness. This contest is much more aggravated when the "other" male is the pursuer's friend, who most likely knows about the pursuer's feelings towards the girl.
All of that is incredibly dense and incomprehensible. What I'm trying to say is that when a guy likes a girl and someone steps in, it's fucking on. Moreover, if that someone is a friend, then it goes deeper and more vicious than it ever would normally. It breaks any bond of trust between friends, it generally works out against the original pursuer, and it's just generally a dick move, literally and figuratively.
So, all of this raises a question:
What constitutes a cockblock?
It's a good question, and a very important one. How can you speak to a girl that your friend digs without getting him pissed off? Moreover and perhaps more importantly, how do you deal with liking the same girl that your friend has "called"?
A cockblock is any act of flirting with the girl that your friend has expressed feelings about. Generally, if a friend has tried for a long time and has failed, you can step in, but only when your friend has found another crush. And you must give him a little time with that crush, otherwise you look like a douchebag.
But things to keep in mind:
1. Flirting is most certainly cockblocking.
2. Making fun of your friend in front of the girl he likes is most certainly cockblocking.
3. Bragging, depending on the extent and nature of the brag, can be cockblocking.
4. Going around your friend to initiate a relationship with the girl he likes (platonic relationship or otherwise) is pretty much cockblocking. Anything can turn into a sexual relationship instantly.
What should you do as the third wheel in a flirtfest? You have one of the most important roles a guy must play in his life, and if you're good at it you will be greatly rewarded with karma and other such goodies: you must play the wingman.
Now, being a wingman doesn't mean you won't get play yourself. Some of the best wingmen are in relationships, or have been with many girls in their time. To be a good wingman, you must play up your friend without drawing attention to yourself. But this doesn't mean you have to be dry or boring. Just not around constantly. A good wingman does his work and then bolts, onto his own pursuits. If you can't help your friend get girls, then don't be around. It's better to be gone than to be a cockblocker.
So, that's pretty much my answer to cockblocking. It's cruel, it's vicious, and it's uncool. Guys should never cockblock their friends. If your friend has not actively pursued, give him the option to step up his game or move out of the way. It's just plain courteous.
That's all. Any questions?
--Will
THE RULES OF THE COCKBLOCK
First, some ground rules. Before we go into what a cockblock looks like, I'll explain what it is.
Cockblock (n) (CAWK-blAWK) -- The act of intercepting female attention away from a friend who is actively pursuing said female.
That definition may not be quite so perfect, so I'll explain a little more. Because, to be fair to the potential cockblocker, the act of getting female attention away from a friend may not necessarily be a cockblock. This is essential, kids, so listen up: The most important piece to that definition is the idea of active pursuit. If there is no active pursuit, it is not a cockblock. I'll give an example of both cases.
Example 1: Boy A is has a huge crush on Girl D. He has Girl D's phone number--never called--and Girl D's screen name--never double-clicked. Boy A is facebook friends with Girl D, but he doesn't really call her. He mainly checks her pictures. Boy B, A's best friend, is at a party with Girl D and Boy A. Girl D starts flirting with Boy B, and Boy B--clearly--responds. Girl D gives Boy B her phone number, and Boy B responds with a kiss on the cheek before leaving. Boy A freaks out, storms from the party, and vows to murder his friend.
That's the first example. Sick of using letters, I will begin to give names to the characters in our example. This following piece is about Morty, Peter, and Francine.
Example 2: Morty really digs this girl, Francine. All of his friends know. They've been hanging out pretty frequently for the past two weeks. They talk online often, they hang out. But for some reason, his friend Peter is always there when they hang out. Peter begins making his own plans with Francine, but always remembers to send a late invitation to Morty. Moreover, whenever the three of them hang out, Peter never ceases to mock Morty: his appearance, his tastes, everything. Anything, really, to get a laugh out of Francine. Morty can't stand this feeling so he often removes himself from situations that involve either Francine or Peter, and he almost always avoids situations with the two of them together.
Now, boys and girls, I ask you: Which situation do you think is the cockblock? Got it?
That's right. Example 2 is a very common example of the cockblock. It involves a friend--aware of his friend's crush and active pursuit--overstepping the boundaries of both friendship and the unspoken male agreement that you do not play games over women.
I know what you're thinking. Some of this is absurdly barbaric, as it seemingly disregards the identity of woman as human and not object. But I must stress the fact: when a male (friend, enemy, or otherwise) steps into another male's game, or pursuit, he is creating a situation of animalistic, predatory viciousness. This contest is much more aggravated when the "other" male is the pursuer's friend, who most likely knows about the pursuer's feelings towards the girl.
All of that is incredibly dense and incomprehensible. What I'm trying to say is that when a guy likes a girl and someone steps in, it's fucking on. Moreover, if that someone is a friend, then it goes deeper and more vicious than it ever would normally. It breaks any bond of trust between friends, it generally works out against the original pursuer, and it's just generally a dick move, literally and figuratively.
So, all of this raises a question:
What constitutes a cockblock?
It's a good question, and a very important one. How can you speak to a girl that your friend digs without getting him pissed off? Moreover and perhaps more importantly, how do you deal with liking the same girl that your friend has "called"?
A cockblock is any act of flirting with the girl that your friend has expressed feelings about. Generally, if a friend has tried for a long time and has failed, you can step in, but only when your friend has found another crush. And you must give him a little time with that crush, otherwise you look like a douchebag.
But things to keep in mind:
1. Flirting is most certainly cockblocking.
2. Making fun of your friend in front of the girl he likes is most certainly cockblocking.
3. Bragging, depending on the extent and nature of the brag, can be cockblocking.
4. Going around your friend to initiate a relationship with the girl he likes (platonic relationship or otherwise) is pretty much cockblocking. Anything can turn into a sexual relationship instantly.
What should you do as the third wheel in a flirtfest? You have one of the most important roles a guy must play in his life, and if you're good at it you will be greatly rewarded with karma and other such goodies: you must play the wingman.
Now, being a wingman doesn't mean you won't get play yourself. Some of the best wingmen are in relationships, or have been with many girls in their time. To be a good wingman, you must play up your friend without drawing attention to yourself. But this doesn't mean you have to be dry or boring. Just not around constantly. A good wingman does his work and then bolts, onto his own pursuits. If you can't help your friend get girls, then don't be around. It's better to be gone than to be a cockblocker.
So, that's pretty much my answer to cockblocking. It's cruel, it's vicious, and it's uncool. Guys should never cockblock their friends. If your friend has not actively pursued, give him the option to step up his game or move out of the way. It's just plain courteous.
That's all. Any questions?
--Will
