The Next Step
So I should catch everyone up on what's going on. Not because my life is interesting, but because things have changed recently and I feel it's only fair to my potentially nonexistant readership that I keep a constant up-to-date account of my life on this blog. Isn't that what it's all about? Either that or the sarcastic, dry humor and the overbearing sense of cynicism.
In any case, I was selected for a job as Resident Advisor (RA) for the 2006-2007 academic year. What this means is that I'm either, depending on how cool my floor is, a psuedo-policeman or a bigger brother-type role. Big Brother or Bigger Brother. Eh? Anywho, I was chosen for a quad that I specifically told them I didn't want. I told them I didn't want it for a few reasons:
1. It's filthy. There is almost always a used condom on the floor of the showers in there. Why someone would have sex in those disgusting shower stalls blows my mind, but they do, and they leave a calling card.
2. It's hideous. The building itself is extremely institutional and looks more like an office building than a dormitory. It's run like a Soviet apartment building, with locked doors at every wing and the perfect efficiency of its architecture ensuring that no one can really get in or out.
3. It's a major party dorm. I guess every dorm is a party dorm, but from my experience, Meadows is the place where people go after they get drunk and then they take out their aggression. I've been told I'd have either the first or second floor, and, if you know college students, they don't party past the 3rd floor unless there's wicked good reason to. Thus, my floor would be trashed.
Those are the major reasons. I also wanted to be in the same dorm where I live now, or at least the same quad. I love YMCA (my quad), and I don't want to have to move to someplace even shittier. I love the shittiness of YMCA. In good news, I wouldn't have to walk outside to go on rounds, and I would have access to the quiet study room within Meadows, as well as the huge lounge. If you ask me, not a great trade off.
There was a massive backstabbing incident, but I'm not really at liberty to explain it. I was screwed over by someone who I thought was one of my best friends, and one of my major social groups has just crumbled before me. That, and the extracurricular groups that I associated with him. I think I gotta buck up and be professional tho. My college career can't be ruined by some asshole who never truly liked me.
That brings me to another point which may come as a surprise or it may not. I may be transferring next year. Part of me feels like a huge failure, and I don't know how to deal with that. I feel like I waited so long deceiving myself, especially because now I'm too late to apply for a Fall acceptance at any decent school.
The reasons for my desire to leave are many, and I could even make another handy list like I made for reasons not to accept the position in Meadows. Another reason not to accept is that I'm not sure if I'll be here for two semesters, but I figured I'd save the thunder of that statement for down here in the blog. Hell, if you made it this far, you deserve a plot twist or two.
Still, here's a quick overview:
I hate the people here. With the most recent developments with the bastard I told you about above, I feel as if I'm suffocating with very few friends. The people I can trust are relatively aloof and self-concerned, and I don't blame them because who isn't? I mean, of course I do hope for more concern from my friends, but I'm not getting it. I can't, for instance, tell them that I may be leaving them. Because their reactions--either anger, disappointment, or (perhaps the worst) apathy--would be too much to handle right now. Other than my friends--or acquaintances--the people are generally loud, obnoxious, and athletically-oriented. I haven't really been able to have an intelligent conversation with anyone. People I know are intelligent, and we have conversations, but never about important things. People are too indifferent to the world around them, and this world can't be ignored. 3 years in Iraq, and no one's protesting? That's ridiculously disappointing.
I'm feeling really suffocated in this town. Without Steven at Brown next year, I'm gonna lose that connection to the outside world which really amounts to security and comfort. I won't have anyone to visit in Providence, and that little town that has so often saved me from insanity will only be a shitty little town that I know all too well.
The school is too small. There's nowhere to hide from people like the nameless villain of this entry, and I hate awkward psuedo-confrontations. I also know about 80% of the school at least by name. It's ridiculous.
There's no real performing arts department, and the creative writing major sucks. So if I wanted to do either of those things, I'd be forced to lose any connection I have to quality writing and singing. Without those escapes in my life, I think I won't survive.
So I pretty much just gave you a list (like from before). I just didn't use numbers this time. If you'd like to sue me, go ahead. It's been a while since I got a personal letter/package (I don't know how they issue subpoenas, if I'd even get subpoenaed. What the hell is a subpoena?).
I have a lot of options for next fall. I'm thinking through all of them. I could do a semester of community service in New Orleans, which colleges would love. I just don't think I could handle 4 months in New Orleans. Can you imagine that? It'd be so rough and I'd be so far from home. I'm not an outdoorsy person, either. Another option is looking for an internship somewhere important, like the Capitol but it's near impossible to get an internship there. Next, I could apply for a semester abroad through another unaffiliated school. It still may be too late for that. I'm also toying with the idea of maybe trying something new, something to get my life in order for the first time ever. I've been talking with my mom about maybe serving something higher than myself by going to fight in Iraq.
Just kidding.
I could also travel on my own, but that's selfish and colleges would hate that. Or, I could spend a semester here and work harder than ever and also fill out transfer forms. That's my 3rd option, I'd say, after getting a job at home, then going abroad, then it's one more for the road.
I don't know. I'm conflicted. This entry has been as dull and dense as a reading in a textbook, specifically a history textbook. It's as dull as economics, but purely on content I'd say it's history. If you've gotten this far, Mazel Tov. You can learn the secret words to my heart: "David Bowie". Easy, right? I thought so. I'm tired and lonely. Time for Diablo II.
Much love, friends.
Will
In any case, I was selected for a job as Resident Advisor (RA) for the 2006-2007 academic year. What this means is that I'm either, depending on how cool my floor is, a psuedo-policeman or a bigger brother-type role. Big Brother or Bigger Brother. Eh? Anywho, I was chosen for a quad that I specifically told them I didn't want. I told them I didn't want it for a few reasons:
1. It's filthy. There is almost always a used condom on the floor of the showers in there. Why someone would have sex in those disgusting shower stalls blows my mind, but they do, and they leave a calling card.
2. It's hideous. The building itself is extremely institutional and looks more like an office building than a dormitory. It's run like a Soviet apartment building, with locked doors at every wing and the perfect efficiency of its architecture ensuring that no one can really get in or out.
3. It's a major party dorm. I guess every dorm is a party dorm, but from my experience, Meadows is the place where people go after they get drunk and then they take out their aggression. I've been told I'd have either the first or second floor, and, if you know college students, they don't party past the 3rd floor unless there's wicked good reason to. Thus, my floor would be trashed.
Those are the major reasons. I also wanted to be in the same dorm where I live now, or at least the same quad. I love YMCA (my quad), and I don't want to have to move to someplace even shittier. I love the shittiness of YMCA. In good news, I wouldn't have to walk outside to go on rounds, and I would have access to the quiet study room within Meadows, as well as the huge lounge. If you ask me, not a great trade off.
There was a massive backstabbing incident, but I'm not really at liberty to explain it. I was screwed over by someone who I thought was one of my best friends, and one of my major social groups has just crumbled before me. That, and the extracurricular groups that I associated with him. I think I gotta buck up and be professional tho. My college career can't be ruined by some asshole who never truly liked me.
That brings me to another point which may come as a surprise or it may not. I may be transferring next year. Part of me feels like a huge failure, and I don't know how to deal with that. I feel like I waited so long deceiving myself, especially because now I'm too late to apply for a Fall acceptance at any decent school.
The reasons for my desire to leave are many, and I could even make another handy list like I made for reasons not to accept the position in Meadows. Another reason not to accept is that I'm not sure if I'll be here for two semesters, but I figured I'd save the thunder of that statement for down here in the blog. Hell, if you made it this far, you deserve a plot twist or two.
Still, here's a quick overview:
I hate the people here. With the most recent developments with the bastard I told you about above, I feel as if I'm suffocating with very few friends. The people I can trust are relatively aloof and self-concerned, and I don't blame them because who isn't? I mean, of course I do hope for more concern from my friends, but I'm not getting it. I can't, for instance, tell them that I may be leaving them. Because their reactions--either anger, disappointment, or (perhaps the worst) apathy--would be too much to handle right now. Other than my friends--or acquaintances--the people are generally loud, obnoxious, and athletically-oriented. I haven't really been able to have an intelligent conversation with anyone. People I know are intelligent, and we have conversations, but never about important things. People are too indifferent to the world around them, and this world can't be ignored. 3 years in Iraq, and no one's protesting? That's ridiculously disappointing.
I'm feeling really suffocated in this town. Without Steven at Brown next year, I'm gonna lose that connection to the outside world which really amounts to security and comfort. I won't have anyone to visit in Providence, and that little town that has so often saved me from insanity will only be a shitty little town that I know all too well.
The school is too small. There's nowhere to hide from people like the nameless villain of this entry, and I hate awkward psuedo-confrontations. I also know about 80% of the school at least by name. It's ridiculous.
There's no real performing arts department, and the creative writing major sucks. So if I wanted to do either of those things, I'd be forced to lose any connection I have to quality writing and singing. Without those escapes in my life, I think I won't survive.
So I pretty much just gave you a list (like from before). I just didn't use numbers this time. If you'd like to sue me, go ahead. It's been a while since I got a personal letter/package (I don't know how they issue subpoenas, if I'd even get subpoenaed. What the hell is a subpoena?).
I have a lot of options for next fall. I'm thinking through all of them. I could do a semester of community service in New Orleans, which colleges would love. I just don't think I could handle 4 months in New Orleans. Can you imagine that? It'd be so rough and I'd be so far from home. I'm not an outdoorsy person, either. Another option is looking for an internship somewhere important, like the Capitol but it's near impossible to get an internship there. Next, I could apply for a semester abroad through another unaffiliated school. It still may be too late for that. I'm also toying with the idea of maybe trying something new, something to get my life in order for the first time ever. I've been talking with my mom about maybe serving something higher than myself by going to fight in Iraq.
Just kidding.
I could also travel on my own, but that's selfish and colleges would hate that. Or, I could spend a semester here and work harder than ever and also fill out transfer forms. That's my 3rd option, I'd say, after getting a job at home, then going abroad, then it's one more for the road.
I don't know. I'm conflicted. This entry has been as dull and dense as a reading in a textbook, specifically a history textbook. It's as dull as economics, but purely on content I'd say it's history. If you've gotten this far, Mazel Tov. You can learn the secret words to my heart: "David Bowie". Easy, right? I thought so. I'm tired and lonely. Time for Diablo II.
Much love, friends.
Will
