Homebody/Kabbalah
Okay. Let me just say that nothing pisses me off more about Hollywood than these "divine enlightenments" and "awakenings" amongst the most superficial human beings on the face of the earth. First, we had this new phase of religious culthood with Scientology, a whole crock of bullshit to begin with, but it is still possible to believe in. And now we have Kabbalah. The fact of the matter is, Scientology, regardless of its nature, is new and modern--it has no specific standards and restrictions on its following...beyond donations of course. But Kabbalah is an ancient practice from before the time of Christ. The discipline and study of Kabbalah is not something that can be studied by a "Material Girl" or anyone, for that matter, who pretends to have a British accent and has written a book called "SEX".
There are certain restrictions to studying the Kabbalah. I have researched a little on the subject in the past, and I know that this much is true:
1. You must be Jewish. This is a pretty easy thing to get by, as the only necessary thing to do is drive over to your favorite house of davening and get a quick couple of lessons and, wham, bam, thank you Rabbi, you're Bar- or Bat-Mitzvahed. Technically, Bat-Mitzvahs never existed until Rabbi Wise started the Reform movement of Judaism in the 1930's and 1940's. Or if you're a male, you gotta get the snip. Sorry, it's the Covenant.
2. You must be married and have at least two children. Okay, okay. Madonna, Demi Moore, they can pass. But Britney Spears? C'mon, fuck off.
3. You must be over 40 years of age. Once again, Britney, Paris Hilton: try somewhere else. Like Scientology. (See above)
4. YOU MUST BE MALE. The scriptures CATEGORICALLY STATE that to study the Bible, the most basic ideal of Kabbalah, you must be MALE. It is extremely phallocentric and sexist, but any Kabbalist (usually a Rabbi) knows that this is the law.
In People Magazine this week -- yes, I do read People Magazine -- there is a whole THREE PARAGRAPHS called "All About Kabbalah." I almost screamed. The art of Kabbalah is one of the most secretive and obscure practices in Judaism, as well as in all of Mysticism and Spirituality. The purpose of the Kabbalah is to find hidden symbols found in the Hebrew Torah, and then to apply those findings to the final purpose of creating the bridge between human and Divine, to understand God. As said before, Material Girl? Fuck off.
To see a basic representation of Kabbalah work -- very, VERY basic -- check out Darren Aronofsky's "Pi".
In short, the creators of the hip, trendy "Kabbalah Centre" are no less than cultist pricks who are misleading the entire culture of America into a realm of which they/we can have no grasp. The founder, a shmuck named Yehuda Berg, says that "you don't have to be Jewish to be a student of the Kabbalah." YES YOU DO. Otherwise, all you're learning is a bunch of hokey bullshit that teaches you basic methods of Zen meditation and common obsolete superstitions to bear down on your every moment, all to make you come back for more and spend more money. Madonna sends her daughter Lourdes (WHAT THE FUCK?) to Kabbalah classes every week. What a way to exploit Judaism. In this culture of underlying anti-Semitism, is the thing we really need a previously-obscure and elite practice of Jewish mysticism being openly advertised by a amateur porn star, a "Slave 4 U", and a "Material Girl" who feels "Like a Virgin, touched for the very first time"? In my opinion, I think not.
Much love and frustration,
Will
By the way, the title is actually taken from a Tony Kushner play called "Homebody/Kabul" written about Afghanistan. It's amazing. Oh, also--Tony Kushner = Jew. Madonna = Cheap Slut who pretends to have a British accent. Tony Kushner = doesn't pretend to practice Kabbalah. Madonna = wears a red ribbon on her wrist and calls herself "Enlightened." OKAY OKAY I'M DONE!!!!
There are certain restrictions to studying the Kabbalah. I have researched a little on the subject in the past, and I know that this much is true:
1. You must be Jewish. This is a pretty easy thing to get by, as the only necessary thing to do is drive over to your favorite house of davening and get a quick couple of lessons and, wham, bam, thank you Rabbi, you're Bar- or Bat-Mitzvahed. Technically, Bat-Mitzvahs never existed until Rabbi Wise started the Reform movement of Judaism in the 1930's and 1940's. Or if you're a male, you gotta get the snip. Sorry, it's the Covenant.
2. You must be married and have at least two children. Okay, okay. Madonna, Demi Moore, they can pass. But Britney Spears? C'mon, fuck off.
3. You must be over 40 years of age. Once again, Britney, Paris Hilton: try somewhere else. Like Scientology. (See above)
4. YOU MUST BE MALE. The scriptures CATEGORICALLY STATE that to study the Bible, the most basic ideal of Kabbalah, you must be MALE. It is extremely phallocentric and sexist, but any Kabbalist (usually a Rabbi) knows that this is the law.
In People Magazine this week -- yes, I do read People Magazine -- there is a whole THREE PARAGRAPHS called "All About Kabbalah." I almost screamed. The art of Kabbalah is one of the most secretive and obscure practices in Judaism, as well as in all of Mysticism and Spirituality. The purpose of the Kabbalah is to find hidden symbols found in the Hebrew Torah, and then to apply those findings to the final purpose of creating the bridge between human and Divine, to understand God. As said before, Material Girl? Fuck off.
To see a basic representation of Kabbalah work -- very, VERY basic -- check out Darren Aronofsky's "Pi".
In short, the creators of the hip, trendy "Kabbalah Centre" are no less than cultist pricks who are misleading the entire culture of America into a realm of which they/we can have no grasp. The founder, a shmuck named Yehuda Berg, says that "you don't have to be Jewish to be a student of the Kabbalah." YES YOU DO. Otherwise, all you're learning is a bunch of hokey bullshit that teaches you basic methods of Zen meditation and common obsolete superstitions to bear down on your every moment, all to make you come back for more and spend more money. Madonna sends her daughter Lourdes (WHAT THE FUCK?) to Kabbalah classes every week. What a way to exploit Judaism. In this culture of underlying anti-Semitism, is the thing we really need a previously-obscure and elite practice of Jewish mysticism being openly advertised by a amateur porn star, a "Slave 4 U", and a "Material Girl" who feels "Like a Virgin, touched for the very first time"? In my opinion, I think not.
Much love and frustration,
Will
By the way, the title is actually taken from a Tony Kushner play called "Homebody/Kabul" written about Afghanistan. It's amazing. Oh, also--Tony Kushner = Jew. Madonna = Cheap Slut who pretends to have a British accent. Tony Kushner = doesn't pretend to practice Kabbalah. Madonna = wears a red ribbon on her wrist and calls herself "Enlightened." OKAY OKAY I'M DONE!!!!
